Kate Spencer posted an amazing story yesterday about a guy touching her one the subway and her punching him in the face.  It was awesome. I hope you read it.   I’ve decided to tell some stories that I rarely share, mostly because they’re embarassing and my experience has been that lot of men are uncomfortable hearing them.  Well, screw it.  Here goes!

(The list below does not include any from my childhood because that might make you sad)

The List 

#10  Middle school science teacher says “shut your lips. Both pair,” in class all the time to us girls with big hips and/or boobs, but gives us A’s for not telling on him. (Age 13)

#9 Man running the jet ski rental place in Cancun gropes me from behind for the entire jet ski “lesson”  (Age 13)

#8  Old man on a super-crowded bus in Spain dry-humps me from behind during the entire bus ride until I finally slap his hands away from my hips (if only I knew I could hit an old man back then!). Age 21.  Ten years later, middle-aged “suit” in NYC does the same thing on subway, only more discretely by clutching the pole in front of me instead of my hips.  (Age 31)

#7 Old man in Greece whacks off on a park bench while staring at me and smiling, then follows me around the park after I get up and leave. (Age 21)

#6  Younger man in Italy strokes himself as he rides by on a little scooter and yells “chow!” (Age 21)

#5  Co-worker in a California hotel room whacks off next to me in bed in the middle of the night, then finishes it off in the bathroom.  (Now I know this one might sound like I was “asking for it” by sharing a bed with the guy, but there were TEN people in that room and we were all outdoor ed instructors who’d been sleeping next to each other in the backcountry for years without there ever being any weirdness occurring (and we’d always sleep fully clothed of course).  It’s an unwritten rule between us outdoor ed folks (and most people I hope) that you shouldn’t masterbate next to your coworker. (Age 30)

#4  Guy friends behind me on the bus during a CHURCH CHOIR TOUR stick their hands between the seats and finger me whenever I stop paying attention to them.  Sneaky little bastards actually got up in me a couple times before I knew what was happening. (Age 15).  One of these guys follows this blog, actually, and is lucky I’m not mentioning his name right now.

#3  Anonymous guy friend(s) in hot tub at a YOUTH CHOIR POOL PARTY finger me every time the bubbles get turned on. I have no idea who’s doing it and am afraid to say anything.  Apparently, it’s REALLY easy when you’re in a crowded hot tub to stick your fingers up whatever vagina is closest to you while pretending to be engaged in a conversation about football to other guys in the hot tub.  By the way, if you’re reading this Mom, these are the real reasons why I hating going to church, but my bad for never telling you.  (Age 12)

#2  Old man outside an AA meeting hugs and caresses me against my will on a park bench in Taos, NM and I let him because he says he’s thinking about taking a drink. I, being the co-dependent, fearful young woman that I am at the time, let him because I don’t want him to relapse.   Apparently, he got drunk anyways and eventually raped a woman after a meeting a few years later.  Boy did I luck out! (Age 23)

and finally…..(drum-role please!)………..

#1 My favorite one of all time, sketchy old hitch-hiker named “Gator” in a bar in Wyoming hugs and caresses me against my will and says he wants to buy me a new truck with money from his diamond mine.  I dismiss this as nonsense but am nice because I’m afraid of him.  One month later, he finds out where I moved to, shows up in Taos, NM (800 miles away), comes looking for me on the river where I was a raft guide, then waits for me in the dirt parking lot I lived in (b/c some idiot raft guide told him where I parked the truck I was living in at night).  I spend a sleepless night praying to god he doesn’t rape and murder me in my sleep as he spoons me in the back of my truck.  He rubs his hands and socks all over me and I pretend to sleep so he’ll eventually grow tired and leave me alone.  Now this, of course, is a much longer story, but it’s too complicated to go into right now.  In short, I was terrified of my stalker, he wouldn’t leave, and it never occurred to me I could call the police, so that’s how he ended up in my truck.   I’m pretty sure the diamonds mine thing was a lie because people with diamond mines don’t usually need to hitch-hike. And, get this - he disappeared the next day and never bought me that truck, the bastard! It’s the least he could have done, am I right, ladies? (Age 23)

These are only ten of my stories. I have more, but I don’t want to bore you.

So, for all the people out there who might wonder why some of us women keep saying we live in a “rape culture” and keep fighting and marching and blogging about having control over our bodies, now you know ten more reasons why (actually eleven b/c I combined the NYC dry-humper and the Spanish one).  

Thank you Kate Spencer.  I hope to God I punch the next one since I know for a fact there will be a next one. 

P.S. If you are a man reading this and you think it’s totally cool to come up behind a girl and rub your man parts against her back while she’s trying to dance by herself, this makes you a lot like the dry-humper  mentioned in #3.  Sorry, buddy!