This guy wearing the Bono glasses propositioned me to have a threesome with this hooker.

My friend  and I ended up in a hooker bar, just for fun.  (My idea of tourist attractions is this, not museums).  I figured having my climbing partner guy friend with me and wearing a shirt with food stains on it would single me out as unavailable and not a hooker. 

Wrong.

Bono was an oil industry fella.  They’re everywhere here in Rio and are referred to as “gas trash” because they make a shit ton of money and use said money on things like booze and cheating on their wives.   Mostly American and foreigners, the gas trash guys come to this hooker bar frequently, even though their families are here in Rio with them.  Bono was apparently married with kids and takes them all over the world to follow his job.  He told me from his own personal experience that Brazilian hookers were some of the best and cheapest ones in the world, so this was not a one time occurance for Bono.

My friend and I sat at the table with him because there weren’t any seats and we ended up chatting for awhile.  Eventually Bono selected this here hooker because of her lovely rack, which he kept licking while talking to us.  She was super nice and smart.  Only three months left until she’d be a certified dentist!

I’m not sure how or why, but at some point in time Bono got it into his head that I might say yes to a threesome with him and his hooker.  “I’m the tongue man Mel.” (I never said he could call me Mel).  “I’ll make you climb the walls with what I’ll do to you.” 

I laughed him off and said I’m not into threesomes.  Or older men.  Or getting paid to have sex.  But that didn’t deter him.

“Name your price Mel.  I’ll double it.”

I thought he was kidding at first, so I used Joan’s line from Mad Men and said “you couldn’t afford me.”

Oops! 

I guess I should have learned from Mad Men that such a line says to the other person that you are indeed open for negotiation.  I spent the next hour saying no, please stop asking.  I’M NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU OKAY! but to no avail.  He wouldn’t back off.  It finally got to the point where I had to leave because he seriously thought I could be talked into this.  I’m a little embarassed to say this, but for a split second I did think about my student loans….but it was just a thought you guys!

I couldn’t figure out why he was so insistent, but after awhile I realized what it was all really about.  It’s not because I’m beautiful or have a big rack or have anything special about me that is irresistible.  Or because I’m easy (though I kinda am sometimes). No, the thing that was killing this guy was the fact that he couldn’t have me.   No amount of money in the world could buy me and this was driving him bananas.

Men like this I find to be so sad.  I’ve met a lot of them in my lifetime actually.  They think they love women.  So much that they can’t get enough of ‘em.  But they’re kind of delusional if you ask me.  They may love to be around women and getting attention form women, but what they love more than anything is having power over women.  I even called this guy out on it, but he didn’t get it. 

“But Mel, I LOVE women.  I would never, ever hurt a woman.”

Really?  Like your wife?

He didn’t want to talk about his wife.

I’m assuming his wife didn’t agree to her husband not only cheating on her on a regular basis, but with hookers.   Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe she’s a gold digger and will put up with anything for her lifestyle.  I’ll never know.  But chances are this woman thinks he’s out on his boat all these nights when really he’s in a hotel with a new hooker every night.

While this was kind of a disturbing encounter, it was actually kind of fun in an interesting and random kind of way. This hooker was super nice.  I really liked her.  She was down to earth and fun to talk to. Like most women I know, she was just trying to make a living and do everything she can to pursue a career so that she won’t have to rely on a man for security. It’s so easy for us to judge women like this, but it’s not them we should judge.  It’s the culture that creates a need for them. 

While I’ll never become a hooker, I have met a few in South America and liked them all.  And I’ve developed a new respect for them on some level. 

Who I don’t respect though, are guys like Bono.  He will never really know what it means to love or respect a woman as long as he sees them as something to conquer and own.  But I can’t solely blame him, for he, as much as her, is a product of the culture he was raised in.  

p.s. my climbing buddy did nothing to deter any of this, but mostly because he found it all very amusing and I can’t blame him.  I did too.

(Rio de Janiero, Brazil)