View from the top
(Joshua Tree, CA)
I met this gurl at the top of a climb and we talked for awhile and then we realized we worked together ten years ago for NAL and lived in our trucks next to each other and had all the same friends and hung out some. Small world!
This is where I sleep every night. No tent, no walls, no people. Just me, my bag, the stars, and a bunch of big ole rocks all around me.
(Joshua Tree, California)
I showed up in Joshua Tree by myself and have met a ton of awesome folks from all over the world. This is my British climbing partner for the week. He smokes cigarettes between climbs and pronounces my name kinda funny but he keeps me alive and is nice and that’s all that matters.
The climbing community is so so
I showed up in LA on Wednesday night after driving 15 hours from New Mexico. So of course I was pretty tired. But my old lady back was killing me and I wanted to do anything but sit inside a truck and push a petal. So I asked the friend I was gonna stay with if we could go out for a bit.
My buddy, who I know from New York City, has a house (actually it’s a trailer) in downtown LA and he was the first person to offer me a bed when I told everyone I was coming. As soon as I got there we went out on the town, a comedy show and a burger, then came home.
I don’t know this “friend” very well but he always seemed like a nice guy and we’ve stayed in touch via stupid social media stuff. I make friends pretty quickly and I’m a good judge of character usually, so time is irrelevant to me in terms of most my friendships. Plus I like to think the best of people and it usually works.
This buddy (who shall remain nameless) sat kinda close to me at the comedy show and seemed just a little flirty every once in awhile, so i did my usual “don’t even think we’re ever gonna hook-up” moves, like leaning away from him when he talked to me, moving my leg quickly if his touched mine, and acting all bro-ish so he would think of me as a sister. And i never played with my hair once or applied lip gloss, just to be sure he knew I wasn’t trying to be the least bit fuckable.
When we got back to his trailer, he made the bed for me and took the couch like he’d promised. Just as I was about to fall asleep though, he came into my bedroom and started pushing my legs over on the bed.
"Dude, what are you doing?" I asked.
"I want to sleep next to you," he said, then just pushed me aside and started crawling into bed.
"Because I want to," he said.
"Um…..oh-kaaaaaay," I said, clearly with a tone of disapproval and non-compliance, then rolled as far away from him as possible.
I know I know. I should have been like “but I don’t want you to, please go back to the couch.” Or maybe I should have kicked him. I dunno. But I was in such shock, I really didn’t know what to say. I mean any moron could have read my cues if he was paying attention. Or cared.
So I hid in my corner of the bed and played on my phone and put my back to him in hopes he’d leave me alone. Since I don’t fight or flight much but I’m amazing at playing dead, I then put my phone away and pretended to pass out, even faking my breathing so that it’d sound like I’d fallen asleep. Surely an asleep woman would make him lose interest.
A few minutes later he tapped on my shoulder with one finger, tap tap tap, to see if I was awake. I didn’t budge and just kept up the fake deep-breathing. Good, I thought, now he knows I’m asleep and he’ll realize we’re not gonna hook up.
Ha! Not quite.
Next thing I know, he’s worming his way closer to me. And closer. Then his dick is in my back and his arm is around me. We’re full-on spooning! Luckily I’m using my sleeping bag as a blanket so I’m basically in a down condom, but still! Next came his chin on my shoulder and his feet on mine. Finally I was like “enough! this guy is gonna full on fuck me if I don’t ‘wake up’ from my fake sleep already.”
So I twitched and pretended to wake up abruptly and was like “Hey! What are you doing over here? You’re crowding my space man!”
He backed off and then I pretended to go back to sleep.
Now I know this sounds all cowardly and passive aggressive and shit, but this is the kind of stuff women do when they are trying to protect themselves while also keeping the peace. In reality, I don’t know this guy very well and for all I know, he could be a full-blown rapist type with a violent streak and shaming men sometimes make them even more aggressive.
Obviously, I didn’t get much sleep cuz I was on watch for that dick in the back all night long. When I woke up the next morning, he was again trying to cuddle. I finally got up because I couldn’t stand being on my left side anymore and I would’t dare turn and face him. So I jumped out of bed, went to my truck, sat on the tailgate, and made phone calls to friends, seeking advice on what I should do. Pretend it didn’t happen? Confront him? Leave and never talk to him again?
He came out to my truck a few minutes later while I was on the phone and gave me a cup of coffee and a smile. He tried making small talk when I got back to the trailer. It wasn’t until he realized I couldn’t look him in the eye that he decided to ask.
"Hey, you know, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable last night."
"Well, ya did," I said.
"Oh I’m sorry. It’s just that I haven’t been with a woman in such a long time and I really wanted to sleep next to you and I’m not afraid of rejection anymore so I just went for it."
"Well I’m sorry if I lead you on or something. I should have told you that I didn’t actually want you to sleep next to me but I was really confused as to why you were there."
"No you didn’t lead me on at all! I just wanted to sleep next to you so I did."
That was his excuse. He wanted to.
It would be one thing if this was a miscommunication, right? Guy likes girl, guy thinks girl likes him, so guy makes a move on girl. But no, in this scenerio, guy likes girl, girl makes it clear she doesn’t like guy, guy says to himself “fuck it, I want what I want and I don’t care what she wants” and guy climbs into bed with girl anyways.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dick in the back from a guy I thought was a friend while I was sleeping. I wish it was. But it IS the first time a guy has admitted that he knew I wasn’t interested and did it anyways.
I don’t trust this person anymore and that’s a shame. I think he’s a good guy believe it or not. Everything else about him is pretty awesome. But it’s a shame he was raised in a rape culture where he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did. And it’s a shame that i was raised in a rape culture where I not only keep blaming myself for somehow being responsible for what he did, but because I feel like it’s my job to protect him from feeling any shame for what he did, trying to make it seem like not such a big deal. I even spent the whole day with him at the beach just so he wouldn’t feel bad about himself. Of course, that just made me fee bad about myself.
I won’t be staying with him anymore. And lots of women have offered help and support after hearing about this. Most of them because the same thing has happened to them.
But next time this happens, cuz oh, believe me, there will be a next time, I hope I’ll have the guts to tell him the truth the moment he tries to crawl into bed. And I hope I have the courage to teach him a thing or two about respecting women.
Then again, why the hell is that my job?
p.s. Mom, if you’re reading this, it’s all one big a joke, hahahaha. I’m having a blast in LA and staying only with women and it’s so so much fun.